I could include an infinite amount of other betrayals, things I felt were horrible which caused me to occasionally break down and need someone driving me to lean on friends I’ve never heard from again. I’ve been so dangerously desperate so many times that OF COURSE I’m going to empathize with them. Hell yeah, Eli. Girl. A pharmacy in the town I thought she lived in. Bad For You Ft. Gusto Kalel by huntermoramusic published on 2015-12-31T02:56:41Z. Who were counted and now are qualified to kill up close Alam na alam ko ang banat na iyon kaya naman pinilit kong makadilat nang tuluyan. The other reflection I have is the picture I have of him from his funeral. It’s pride month. By doing this work, I was able to shut this toxic person down without stooping to their level. As always, be good to each other. Morally, I’m fine with her reading it. SO IF you ARE lucky enough to be a “friend” of hers — and you tell her about this post, let me tell you something very important: you’re a garbage person. Then I realized I’m Narcissistic asshole [and have been watching Eminem’s final battle from “8 Mile” far too often on YouTube]. I liked it so I put a ring on it. I’m just calling out the one person that I Know for a fact toLd her about anything I’ve written in the past, to not be a shit friend.It’s not your place.Leave it alone. heir, justcallmecai, gbs. We all are. Men in uniform laughing at our problems For making you cry. I know two very amazing friends who died way too young. They get exactly what I want them to and nothing more. I don’t know who I used protection with or not. But in a way I have not yet written about him. I am not for this world.”. But he’s dead. We had to get out and run as fast we can. I’m tired of not laughing with the only person who shared the same messed up sense of humor as I do. She debuted in 2007 with her album Coco, which included hit singles "Bubbly", "Realize", and "The Little Things". So watch out bitches, because those who have been telling me I can’t withstand the storm do not yet know that I AM THAT MOTHERFUCKING STORM. But I keep telling myself, “hey, it’s NOT YOUR choice.”. I’m white blonde and tiny enough that these Nazi like cops ain’t disturbin’ I look him in the eyes every single day. I’m a writer. But I wanna stay with you until we’re grey and old No men except for my my Brother. I have and it’s atrocious and something’s gotta be done I mean, we need food to live. Something super bizarre, even for me, started happening a couple weeks ago. Annnnnnnnnnnnnddddddddddddd some of us make sure we always own a pair of yellow chucks whether we’re in college dating “Old Tim” — or 34 years old. (Just like I haven’t given up on my sister. #gbs Comments may take up to an hour for moderation before appearing on the site. #heir Death. I tallied 4/365 days this year that I felt “well” and that were good days for me in 2019. A place that used to be coveted Now where’s my whiskey? People care about me more than I thought they might. I’m not a Writer who writes a hate letter, tucks it away, then burns it later just to get it out of me — my head, my life, my memory. Hearing “you fag!” asking my parents what it meant, and learning about homosexuality which shocked my world a bit but I was all good with it once I understood how completely normal it is, and that I’d previously been fed lies by my schools, so I wrote about and then presented about suicide rates among gay people in high school because of the bullying that truly left me upset. I’m tired of not being able to ask him any question about. "Maka-assumera naman." And now that I am participating in a fringe sort of therapy (DBT), I’m as confused as ever. #garnet It’s weak and meek and it’s time it gets rewired Editorial response to an anonymous query: Yes, my Mom knows about this post, and yes, I did read it to her. My first rapist didn’t make me a survivor. Keep your fingers and toes crossed for me kids that I don’t fumble this connection on the 3rd down and long. I need it to stay alive. And choking on the words “I can’t breathe” The way I’ve seen some Black Lives I know make statements like that, particularly this past week, is sickening. To quote Lady Gaga’s song, “TIL IT HAPPENS TO YOU,” made for the movie “The Hunting Ground” about sexual assault on college campuses (a must see in my opinion, as a survivor and as a human being) but is just as applicable in my opinion to drug users, (emphasis added): You tell me it gets better, it gets better in time Buying a property can be very emotional, only topped by the emotions you feel when you sell the home that you have lived in for a while and brought up a family. And, because, in HIS style of writing, I wrote the following, for him, about him. Just like LGBTQIA++ Lives should ALWAYS matter. Both, in an “OMG you’re sexy as fuck love at first sight” way. Life is not nearly as simple as labeling. Take A Look In The Mirror. But she’s a great example of someone I love who I didn’t give up on. My Mom “surprised” me by telling me I’d be getting my teeth completely fixed forever last Fall. Wrists are just the tip of the iceberg I crave interaction. I’m just a pissed off white girl who fucking LOVED NFL football UNTIL the NFL does what IT HAS ALWAYS done: the NFL used oppression to shut something as important as viewers’ ability to watch the Star Spangled Banner down. Be better than me. It’s like asking if food is bad for you. My heart is breaking. Since I’ve been making incredible progress in treatment — according to my Counselor/DBT Therapist, I’ve been evaluating my VALUES. Even the dogs in the street knew that I worked far too hard. Cute AF. Pork is one of the most commonly consumed meats in the world, but it may also be the most harmful. (Her words, not mine.). But I can AND will LIVE with my trauma and my PTSD. So I guess that means cutting down my emotional availability (because I’m SO in demand already !!!!!) should you be concerned about eating too much sugar Yes you should , but when you do sports and/or exercise you dont have to worry as much because you sweat out a lot of salt. SO IF you ARE lucky enough to be a “friend” of hers — and you tell her about it, let me tell you something very important: you’re a garbage person. Your garden is doing great, Pidgey. New Vibe featuring Gusto Kalel Follow me on Instagram for updates and selfies. I still have a Netflix DVD/Blu-ray delivery plan — and I read you can’t even sign up for that anymore unless you’ve been a member of said plan for quite some time. He keeps you in a diner-like purgatory instead, waiting and hoping — taking orders.”. Have no vote to choose I’m tired of hearing, “I met someone else.”, I’m tired of saying, “I met someone else.”. I wear my “Black Lives Matter” shirt and even with a mask on Upsides[? You’d like it ❤️☘️☀️ and I’ll see you in Orion. No No No. And it hurt me. And I need to go somewhere that’s not here to deal with that. And I hope you know I’m about to spill a secret, so listen up; I NEVER didn’t think I’d be without him after I was with him. Just say you won’t let go, I’ll wake you up with some breakfast in bed I mean I’ll probably order them. I know my Mom still deals with my sister’s EZ-Pass despite my sister being incredibly irresponsible with remembering to keep her EZ-Pass with her. It’s just all talk. He’s humble. How my mind has one goal And it’s to feel again He’s all those characters in my mind. Cory Montieth’s death (who was the lead male character in “Glee,” for those of you who don’t know) killed me inside. I’m not talking about for a split second either. Her number 3 fan. But if you catch me on my phone when we’re hanging out together — nah. This is me RIGHT NOW: The thing, you, reader, have to realize — is that this is probably — if not actually the most vulnerable post I’ll ever share. She doesn’t live here anymore but still has annoying places calling the house phone constantly asking for her. I REALLY, SUPER want this space to be a positive experience for my readers. Caught by surprise and shock, she told me it wasn’t a good time calling me by an old nickname (THE NERVE!!!!! Thankfully — I’m incredibly honored and Blessed to announce that someone I love very much accepted my proposal to call her my sister. Read Epilogue from the story Bad For You by justcallmecai (Captain C) with 18,058 reads. When I tried to reach out to her— THE last way I could — via USPS — some inspirational cards, a poem, “Still I Rise” by a hero of mine, Maya Angelou, a story about every single good act mattering. Turning Me On Like It’s Her Job. But Imma Still Be Humble When I Scream “Fuck You” Cause I’m Stronger Than I Was. I told him while tears are flowing down my face. So the deal is because now I can barely get out of bed, and when I was employed as an attorney, I had bought my Brother an Xbox One for Christmas the year it came out, but he uses it almost every night in his room, so we don’t get to play it together much anymore. My eyes felt so heavy when I tried to open it. So many of us trying and frying and dying Now, as I mentioned, this week is hitting me really hard. This is the last part of this story. Yes, it was really that bad. And I’m accepting and owning that shit twenty-four seven. They’re all black men working minimum wage and they’re always helping me I promise till death we part like in our vows How does it feel to know I don’t hate you? "Li..." I heard a very familiar voice that sounds so heavenly. Not allowing someone familiar to touch me just because I’ve had it happen to me before and survived. Maybe call that taking him for granted, because maybe I did. I may be dead to her, but she’s not to me. I'm with Mac and Stephanie. I also can’t go anywhere that matters if I need to use words that make sense alone. So, I’d mailed them to her tenured place of employment, out of respect for her wanting me NOT to know where she lives (again, even though she is the one that gave me the address). My PTSD is part of me. His opinion doesn’t make it much easier to deal with, however. Colbie Marie Caillat (born in Newbury Park, California, on May 28, 1985) is an American pop singer-songwriter and guitarist. "Are you okay? "It's okay... Everything will be okay." On the other hand…the “priest” at that Church is someone I cannot accept. Three: Don’t Freak Out Because You Did. Blindingly inarticulate. Not only do I not hate her, but I think she’s scared and pathetic. My best friend, LK, (Ha! Sometimes I Think She Must Get Off On Turning Me ON. My family was always great. (Technically he was never alone in that, it just started with/became associated with him.). I’m proud I care now. Freehand writing is so out of style, Your work challenges me If I’m What She Wants, She Gets What She Wants. You make me feel this way somehow, I’m so in love with you I now have a freckle in one of my eyes. If my Dad were still alive….Everything in my life would be better. Because apparently that’s what she needs and believes is what is best for her. I talk to him — and I don’t give a flying fuck what that means to anyone. If there is an urgent need contact: MESSAGE FROM FOUNDER. But I’m trying. ‘Cause I’m stronger than I was — Eminem. Asking for a friend. If you’re advocating for ANY Black Life, yet attack BLACK LGBTQIA++ LIVES as LESS THAN YOUR HETERO BLACK LIFE, I TRULY DON’T THINK YOU’RE UNDERSTANDING THE MOVEMENT. Post was not sent - check your email addresses! (For the record, my Mom has advised me that she disagrees with the sentiment I express in that prior sentence.) I called expecting her voicemail. They keep on firing until our van lost its control. (I’m SO writing about said circumstances soon because I want anyone who might happen upon this and who might not get it — to get woke. I keep telling and retelling the following “story” lately because it continues to be relevant and because I think it’s funny. There is no excuse that could justify her behavior toward me. In everything I read, or everything I watch, when I insert myself into the place of the narrator/protagonist/etc. Every time I go ANYWHERE with a purpose, I kiss his picture — and I don’t give a flying fuck how that makes anyone feel about that either. My sister did. I already do No one knows that I haven’t typed on a computer in over a year and a half except to copy and paste work from my phone into publication submissions and contest submissions. Lies tie us together. To say it fucked me up — Nah. Sometime’s I just want to scream at my friends who never call or write. And aside from venting through my writing like I do…which is essentially just pure pain being expelled from my emotion mind onto pages or typed on a computer screen, it KILLS me that she hates me as much as I’m about to share with you now. My now “I’m dead to her” sister, had ALWAYS teased when we were growing up about how I dressed and would be perceived if I wore “those shorts” or “that shirt,” and teased me about how I was a loser because I didn’t shape my eyebrows, etc., and just trust me…the list goes on. (<— All thoughts which I welcome, absorb, and shoulder, by the way.). Thursday is the anniversary of the death of my writer (and the whole “I have known him since WAIT FOR IT: Elementary School” thing) friend. Literally and quite tragically for me, I realized I was “into” my friend who died September 3, 2019. But you’d never know My heart hurts so much. You Know How I Get. Her comments that made me feel like shit aside, I relayed the information to her and hung up. Who tells me I’m beautiful so often that I’m starting to believe him. And I’m no longer more than willing to pay for the affection I get in return. You’ll Never Scream So Loud As I Want To Scream With You. Mostly. Stephanie got lost while Mac and I found a hiding spot. I see the opposite. Browse the user profile and get inspired. I held your hair back when Wanting to implode and disappear forever galore. (To be fair — that probably has more to do with me than him anyway.). A threat level midnight of spiral…if you will…in a dangerous way. So, this is just some food for thought that I’m hoping someone reading this relates to during what can be a difficult season for many of us. “Are they friends?” “What’s going on?” “He’s an ‘OTHER,’ you see him working, can’t you mind your own business?” That’s the endgame with ALL of my writing. I was looking the actresses up on IMDB, and in interviews, etc., and I love what Daniela Sea (aka Max on “The L Word”) says about her sexuality: “But I…don’t believe that gender is just binary, and I never have, so that’s what pulls me to sometimes politically identify as a lesbian, and I still feel like women are so suppressed. Alien skin aside, I’m human. Which is why I think she thinks she has more emotional intelligence than me. Come prove to me I’m wrong ’bout what I’m writin’ about In so many ways that it sets my brain on fire and there’s no place left in me to put that. My poor Mom has to find/think of/remember words for me. We ask you to keep your comments relevant and respectful. And I want to fight for change. His words are still in my head. — or old habits ), because she was at work. ‘Cause you were always there for me when I needed you most, I’m gonna love you till I guess I lost her too. I’ve been missing her presence for a good minute. Either way, it’s fine, but I am done now. Because I need one. The last time I checked — this site stated about 80,000 people per year died from an alcohol related incident. After hearing my Mentor’s comment that I AM. This time it won’t expire My Drug Dealer Was A Doctor. I continue to boycott watching the NFL and the NFL itself because of what happened TO Colin Kaepernick. The symptoms are that of a classic food allergy and may include skin reactions, respiratory tract reactions as well as gastrointestinal reactions. You’re amazing. The cards came back to me, unopened. But I’m a lawyer and I’m political and cynical which is dangerous to be tryin’ so I officially retired because I know about the laws I’m fightin’, Until the 2nd Amendment gets changed or altered I know it’s not desired Did you see the person who shot you?" In fact I’ve stopped checking it more than 3 times a day (unless something urgent is happening, obviously). Because this system is broken And, maybe in a different post, I can reveal some tough truths about how that above statement is ironic and even maybe hypocritical. All Black Lives Matter! So many have spoken "Nasa langit na ba ako?" I have the best fucking music to listen to and get me through. I’m tired of not seeing his face in my memories every day. Morally? What a year. That being said — all I want you to know is that I see unlimited ways for one to hurt oneself intentionally. Man. (He’s actually just a really great dentist with a really great staff.) But never quite letting me drown. Why wouldn’t I look them in the eye to show respect? Some people out of luck. She’s the BEST. As always, be good to each other. You tell me hold your head up We all grow up. And years ago, I basically made it known to my soulmate that I’d be backing off when the love of my life appeared, because I didn’t want to hurt the love of my life.I didn’t want ANY feelings I had for my soulmate to interfere with the love of my life who I thought I’d be with forever, as I’ve said in previous posts. I do think about him every single day. Under all their inflammatory insults Because I’m tired of being connected. I’m just saying they’re not for me. Nahihirapan akong magsalita. Just say you won’t let go, Just say you won’t let go Look on the (United States) government’s website. I’m—I’m, worse. And, the great thing about me is that I am able to be honest with my friends because I value them, and I would not lie to them initially just to throw the withheld information which happens to be hurtful in nature back at them later merely because I’m being called out on my poor decision making. At least consciously. They’re the ones in uniform firing bullets again Her birthday is April 3rd. I was like a FRECKLE?! Motivated buyer and motivated seller. And yet, he’s alive! I always own my shit. WHO DOES THAT?! Darling your love is more than worth its weight in gold Wattpad: justcallmecai FB Group: Team Justcallmecai Twitter: cailameneses Instagram: cailameneses Tiktok: justcallmecai And today, I wrote her a nice card, ever TRYING to win my Mother’s impossible to win approval on the matter of my sister. The men who are supposed to be protectin’ and serving Who goes out of his way to be around me. And yeah, that’s a challenge and I’m callin’ you out Check out JustCallMeGuy's art on DeviantArt. Those of us left crying while more violence Transgender and Transexual people were not explained to or understood by me until I read a novel in law school (it’s called “Golden Boy”) and then I understood that my own gender and sexuality was normal and I own that shit. Naninikip ang puso ko habang tumatakbo papuntang Room 301. justcallmecai is the author of Destined with the Bad Boy (3.75 avg rating, 4 ratings, 0 reviews) I’m proud I cared then. More. Price, condition and location. When I’m Alone. It makes be feel lazy mahina kong sabi, kahit gusto ko lakasan ay parang nanghihina pa ako. How does it feel to know I don’t want you back? Dead men tell no tales — and neither do I. I’m dead. As much as I DON’T care how you judge me, I DO care about my story being told in my own words so that when you INEVITABLY juxtapose your life choices against mine — you’ll be able to grapple with ALL of the facts and information I can possibly provide. And the entire reason it’s happening is because my now “I’m dead to her” sister thinks I hate her. But you just can’t anymore. By way of background…”Old Tim” was my college boyfriend who I was very in love with and who I was silly enough and young enough and not yet nearly ME enough when we were together to understand we wouldn’t be together forever or get married. Justcallmecai. Bad For You 650K Reads 32.8K Votes 44 Part Story. '' Mac called and immediately held my hand for you ℗ Cope Records Released on: 2020-06-18 Auto-generated YouTube. Many he left behind NFL and the irony of posting this on devices to be loved.. Felt so heavy when I say it hurts me to share an old piece of writing, I what! 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